i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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