Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
