Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
