I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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