You just made me feel so damn special
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
