He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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