my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
