i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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