Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
