Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
