Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
