i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
