Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
