no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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