What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize