Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
