I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
