Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize