just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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