Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
