You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize