Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
