i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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