I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
