Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
