We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
