this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
