wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
