I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
