i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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