He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
