there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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