i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Acid is not a monday night drug
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
