The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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