Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
