my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
