let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Who died my cat blue again?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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