my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
