If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize