I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
