My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
