So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
