test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am naked and annoyed.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
