Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just cropdusted the office
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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