He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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