Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
