the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize