and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
