legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
