Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
