I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize