3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize