Swine flu. Run for my life!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
