hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Everything about him screamed your future.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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