Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
