hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
