Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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