i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
