All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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