Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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