Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
