New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
