My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I will pee on everything he values.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
