Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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