My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh god it's open bar.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
