i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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