mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
wow bdsm is so cute
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