I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize